For most people, a San Francisco city hall wedding is a second marriage. This means that there are a large amount of weddings at city hall with children involved. If you are a child , seeing your mom or dad marry someone else can be a sensitive situation. Depending upon the circumstances, it can even be somewhat traumatic. Having been through this myself before, I really think that a big part of the stress felt by children is just not knowing what the future holds with their new blended family. It really is the fear of the unknown. Thus, potential problems can be resolved simply by communicating with your children early and often about the future with their new mom or dad. In addition, the wedding ceremony itself can be a trigger point for kids who feel left out or unwanted. I have had quite a bit of experience photographing San Francisco city hall weddings with children involved. I feel like this can be a very important moment in the early success of a blended family marriage. In fact, it can actually help make the new relationships better if handled properly. Here are my great 5 ideas for involving your children in your SF city hall wedding.
- Assign the children with the task of being the ring bearers – This may not seem like a novel idea since we all know that children have been ring bearers at formal weddings for decades. I only point it out here because Civil Ceremonies are different than large weekend weddings. Since there is no pre-wedding march or processional, couples may wrongly think that they cannot use a ring bearer. The truth is, San Francisco city hall weddings are really no different when it comes to exchanging rings. The bride and groom still need to do it and someone has to hand the rings to them. The kids are the perfect choice to handle this task. Side note: I once photographed a wedding where the couple decided it would be cute to have their dog deliver the rings. Though this was a fun idea, I thought at the time it was wasted opportunity to have the kids more involved. I know that one of the kids was not that amused. Imagine being replaced by the family dog.
- Assign a daughter to be Flower Girl, but give her extra responsibilities – Here again, this is not a new approach. However, I would take it a step further and let the flower girl know that she is responsible for taking care of the bride’s bouquet and also handing it to her at the appropriate time. By making the child feel responsible with an important task, it keeps them involved in the ceremony. This makes them feel important and a necessary part of a City Hall wedding celebration. It is also provides a city hall wedding photographer with a great opportunity for a photo as the little girl hands off the flowers to the bride (see photo below). The other related task to this is half way through the ceremony when the officiant suggests that the couple hold hands. The bride needs to hand off her bouquet a this time and it would be great if she could give to the Flower girl.
- Have the children stand up with the bride and groom during the ceremony – This is a classic way to make your sons and daughters understand that this is more than just a marriage of the bride and groom. It is really a unification of 2 families into 1. The symbolism will not be lost on most children. I have even seen couples give their kids a little miniature vow to say that involves accepting their new family members. Doing something like this would require preapproval from your San Francisco city hall marriage commissioner, but I have found in the past that these wishes will usually be granted. Especially if you involving the children in your ceremony adjustments. My advice is just to keep it short and simple. If you let the officiant know in advance that it will only add a minute to the ceremony, they will almost always agree to it.
- For Reserved City Hall ceremonies, consider doing a Unity Candle with the children – This option would not be available for standard civil ceremonies, but it could work with a Reserved wedding on the 4th floor or Mayor’s Balcony. For those reading this who do not know what a unity candle is, its simply a wedding ritual where the bride and groom take separate candles and light a larger one in the center. This symbolizes their coming together in spirit for their wedding. Adding the children to this is a fairly easy task. Just have some kids on each side of the bride and groom and everyone holds the candles together as they are lit. It is a great symbol of 2 families coming together. If you are worried about using fire during your ceremony, this same thing can be done with a sand ceremony kit. Instead of lighting candles, the kids are involved in pouring colored sand into a vase. This actually could be more fun for children as well! Plus you never know how the San Francisco city hall Events department will respond to the use of a candle in the building. I actually did this at my own second marriage and the kids loved it. The more you can involve them in the unification of the families the better!
- Have the older kids do readings or recite a poem – Having child do a reading at a wedding is a great way to involve them in the ceremony. If you are not religious, the kids can still read a poem during the ceremony. I would also suggest that you allow the child to help select an appropriate poem or reading. Again, the whole idea here is to make them feel like they are important parts of this special day. Another option would be to ask the child actually write a poem for the wedding. Communication is always going to be a key aspect of making sure the children understand that they are important parts of the couple’s future. This particular option would also probably only be available for a Reserved wedding. However, I did see it happen at a city hall Civil Ceremony in the past, so you just never know.
Summary
San Francisco city hall weddings are unique in that they are often occur for specific reasons. Some of these include, pregnancy, immigration, affordability and second marriage. In the case of second marriages, there are frequently children involved. The ideas presented above will help make the transition to a blended family and step-parents a much smoother one. For other ideas to help with your San Francisco city hall wedding, please click the link.
